2024 in Review

In March of 2024, I left my job in the university.

I had major burnout. I had been cycling from burn out to burn out, (read: emotional implosion to emotional implosion) for five years by the time I finally left. I did not have a job lined up but I had roughly $24,000 in savings from jobs, my personal retirement, and a random cash account that I kept to catch travel money. The discourse in the US is to build your entire life around funding retirement and keeping health insurance. But I couldn’t do it.

I needed a break.

I’m not quite at the one-year mark of my sabbatical yet, but I wanted to reflect on that period, from March 31st until now, a period of my life not defined by work or my earning potential. I have been working since I was fifteen or sixteen and basically worried about money since then. This is terrible! I won’t say I haven’t been worried about money as I worked. It is hilarious how many times my partner told me to put away the resume because I would be just fine. Anyway, here’s to the year in review.

japan: april-may 2024

In October of the previous year, I booked a 40 day trip to Japan, fully intent on taking my vacation time and then some in order to go on this trip. I had not been planning to leave my job at that point. But in November of 2023, I decided to leave my job so I could take this trip without limits.

I made my way from Tokyo to Nagoya to Kanazawa to Osaka to Kyoto to Hiroshima to Beppu to Imabari to Takamatsu to Okayama back to Tokyo to fly home. Phew! I ran out of breath just typing all of that. I want to do a more extensive write-up of my trip later. (I do have an essay about my experience coming out in the first issue of SOLO Travel Mag, so check it out!) But I will mention 2 things that were life-changing for me.

First, sento. I had been determined to find tattoo-friendly onsen during my time in Japan only to find out about their more welcoming, far more plentiful cousin, the sento. It’s a public bath house with a variety of features: hot baths, cold baths, medicinal baths, saunas, etc. It was the place where I got to interact with Japanese people on a daily basis and they were, without fail, friendly to me. We even managed some hilarious conversations with what little of the other’s language we had. One woman in Osaka was thrilled that I had discovered sento. I went to a sento multiple times a week because they were so affordable (anywhere from 400-500 yen) and they restored my body after walking 10+ miles most days.

The second thing: gardens. Japanese gardens were my initial reason for traveling to Japan, as there were a couple when I lived in Seattle and then one when I lived in Durham. I travelled to the crown jewel gardens of Kanazawa (Kenrokuen) and Okayama (Korakuen, which has 3 Michelin stars, incidentally). They deserved every ounce of praise they received. Korakuen was my favorite of the two as its history and use was interesting.

The most significant garden I went to, though, was in Hiroshima. It was called Shukkein garden and it bore the history of the atomic bomb. A beautiful garden had regrown. The signs told of a mass grave, as residents headed to the garden after the bomb because they didn’t know where else to go. Images showed devastation and the haunting outline of a bridge that survived.

My trip is on my mind every day and I can’t wait to go back to Japan.

family visits: june 2024

Coming back to the US was a bit of a shock, I had book revisions to manage and family to visit. I went from speaking only a few phrases each day (if any at all) to suddenly communicating at full blast all the time. It was a little overwhelming! I visited all my grandparents in the great state of Michigan before heading home to visit with my in-laws. They had come to visit us in the lovely season in Montana, before the summer heat.

I enjoyed visiting with everyone and then had to figure out what to do with myself now that I wasn’t planning a trip…

book revisions: june-july 2024

My time was carved out in a major overhaul of my book draft for my publisher. The feedback I got on the first draft from my editors was kind but I knew the book was no good. So I stripped it for parts and worked through it at a prose level. I broke down my sentences and explained things as simply as I could. This probably sounds like a no-brainer: it was not how I was taught to write! I had one meeting with an advisor during my dissertation where she helped me break sentences down simply but I forgot that lesson for almost two years until it came time for me to write a book for undergraduates.

I actually enjoy editing more than writing. It works my puzzle-loving brain a bit more than the generating phase. I also can tell when I’ve edited well. I sent the book back and received an enthusiastic YES from my editor.

turning 31: august 2024

Turning 30 was a bit of a crisis for me. I had struggled with intense awareness of mortality as a result of the pandemic and so I worried that turning 31 would be marked by the same feeling that time was running out.

I had no such feelings and, in fact, I felt lighter. I was able to stretch into my days because, as time passed, I was less and less beholden to the sensation of working constantly. I had a book coming out from a publisher–my life-long dream–and I had all the time in the world to write and lift weights. I had literally nothing to complain about!

book published: october 14, 2024

The book came out! A little earlier than expected and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. It didn’t help that I would be in Italy by the time my author copies arrived…

italy: october-november 2024

I planned a second trip, based on my budget, to Italy. I wanted to meet the Milan Women’s Bookstore Collective, a feminist group based in Milan. They, to this day, run a feminist bookshop run by volunteers. Their book, Sexual Difference: A Theory of Social Symbolic Practice, changed my life and thinking when I read it. I don’t talk about it much in the book, University for a Good Woman, but I did write an essay about them for Oh Reader, issue 17 that also came out in October. I packed my bag and headed to Milan.

In their book, the Milan Women underscore the practice of gratitude between women, acknowledging what you’ve received from others. In my acknowledgements page, I tried to mention everyone I had to be grateful for (inevitably leaving off names, much to my horror). But the Milan Women, for some reason, didn’t make it. So I decided to meet them, give them a copy of my essay and book. My Italian is minimal, but what I found interesting was how passionately they argued and how they managed disagreement. I had never seen such lively political discussion in my life. This sticks with me.

After my time in Milan, I went to Venice, then Florence, then Rome. It was overwhelming to see so many ruins and so much art. I was amazed by how small Venice and Florence were, the way they evoked older ways of organizing cities. I ate fabulously, though was sick for a lot of my trip. I also felt a lot of pressure to see things: because Italy has such a long history of tourism, there are big feelings about what must seen and how, and I did not enjoy that aspect. I was supposed to spend over a week in Palermo, but cut my trip short because of my illness.

family visit: november 2024

I returned to visit my parents and sisters in South Carolina for about a week. It was refreshing to see them, as I had last seen them in January when they hosted me before I moved to Montana. We had a lot of fun and good food while I was there. I miss them all immensely. I unfortunately headed home before Thanksgiving because I was homesick, but I celebrated Thanksgiving with Mountain Man (my partner).

hot springs: december 2024

Going to Japan made me appreciate living in Montana a little bit more. I complain about it a lot as a joke, my partner fretting about my unhappiness. But Montana has tons of hot springs! It is basically the closest to the aspect of Japan I will get in all of the US. We are a 30 minute drive from my favorite hot spring, Boulder Hot Springs, which has a clothing-optional women’s only side with both a hot bath and a cold bath. (It is divine.)

Mountain Man, the dog, and I all trekked up to Hot Springs, MT, a 3-ish hour drive that takes us near Flathead. Hot Springs has a hotel with hot springs pools as well as several smaller “plunges” (the local term) that operate on the honor system. You drop 5 dollars in a box and soak. So cheap! We stayed at Alameda’s Hot Springs Retreat which had its own private soaking tub. It was my first time in a claw-foot bath. The water was sulfurous which was also new for me.

I’m not normally a fan of outdoor baths, but Rose’s Plunge was perfect for two of my soaks while we were in Hot Springs. I hope to go back soon.

now, 2025

Admittedly, I had my crises throughout the year where I doubted the wisdom of taking time off; I got rejected for a job I sort of wanted; I also felt like I should leave writing behind entirely. But somehow, I kept going. I’m working on a novel that I’m really excited about: it’s about restaurant workers and inspired by the humor of Terry Pratchett. (Humor is difficult! But I crack myself up sometimes.) I have published a few things this past year which is a 1000% improvement over past years. But I still feel reticent about trying to make a writer of myself. As if I’m blocked somehow.

But still, I show up to the page every day and meet my goals. I have an essay/review about Carla Lonzi (remember her?) coming out in March and am working on an essay/review about Nanae Aoyama’s A Perfect Day to Be Alone. These are both part of my second nonfiction book project, tentatively titled Women with Issues that collects and refines my criticism about contemporary feminist authors and why their work matters.

Finally: thing I did not mention was weightlifting. It has been absolutely central to my mental health. I’m in a block (period of programming, about 10 weeks) where I am hitting previously unheard of numbers for my squat, bench, and deadlift. I am so proud of myself and I feel so good when I leave the gym.

Here’s to heavier weights and weightier dreams in 2025. xo